Haven't been in the best mental space this past week and just wanted to jot some thoughts down and look into why I feel like this.
Lack of self confidence and self doubt have been problems that have tormented my life and constantly loom over me like a rain cloud on a sunny day. The degree to which it's controlled my life fluctuates constantly and I guess lately its been taken a turn down a dark path again.
People who constantly doubt themselves and their judgement are actually more prone to psychological conditions like mood swings, lower self-esteem, anxiety, and depression. It's difficult to live this way, to be constantly at odds with yourself, to constantly ask if you're doing the right thing, to constantly wonder if your feelings are justified. What if it's all in your head? This nagging uncertainty can only be appeased by a feeling of security. You want someone to tell you that it's okay to feel this way or for someone to finally give you an answer to give you closure.
People that have such self-doubt are notably more uncomfortable with uncertainty and will often seek the approval of others. They feel like their life is out of their control due to the lack of confidence in their decisions or their place in the lives of others. They have a lack of conviction in their own beliefs and interpretations of their surroundings. They could misread the actions of others and spiral into a helpless hole of doubt. In a nutshell, they are not centered or balanced. Their disposition to mood swings can be attributed to this and cause them to be more volatile.
Self-doubt extends into all aspects of life and two areas I wanted to touch on are personal relationships and professional work life.
Why are they not responding to me anymore?
With the ever growing presence of social media and technology in our lives, the way we interact with other people change. And the way we visualize our personal relationships is affected down the line. Have you ever gotten the nagging feeling that someone you care about deeply just doesn't seem to try anymore? Like someone that you talked to on such a regular basis seems to be fading further and further away because their responses and media presence in your life has dwindled. You begin to doubt your place in their life and wonder what you've done wrong or what you've done to be pushed out like this. You could ask them what's wrong and why you've been basically ignored. But you fear that your concerns will be confirmed so you begin to start doubting whether that would even be a smart choice.
Do you see? It's an endless loop of doubt and uncertainty that just piles up and becomes a mental and emotional burden. But to others, this might seem like an over-complicated assumption that you've created for yourself. It's more than just that. It's not just that we're overreacting or reading too deeply. There's just a overwhelming desire to seek the approval and recognition from others that takes over.
I feel like I don't know what I'm doing at work....
Self-doubt can also be prevalent in our professional lives as well. Something that's come into the spotlight recently is Impostor Syndrome. Although it's not officially recognized in the DSM, Impostor Syndrome is a very real form of intellectual self-doubt. It occurs in a wide variety of people, usually brought on by the inability to internalize and accept accomplishments or progress. People who feel this way typically come from families that emphasized the importance of achievement. In our world, such a powerful emphasis is placed on achievement. But the distinction between approval and worthiness can get muddled in the process. Self-worth suddenly becomes tied up with the ability to achieve.
"Am I worthy of my accomplishment or am I just lucky?"
Impostor syndrome seems to be move openly vocalized by recent graduates entering the workforce and being thrown into a world full of adults who have been working in the field for years if not decades more. It even seems to be more common in minorities, Asian-Americans being more susceptible. There's an overwhelming feeling that we don't know what we're doing and that the responsibilities being given to us are not tasks that we should be allowed to handle. No matter how accomplished and qualified we might be, we still feel a sense of inadequacy and believe that we might fail and disappoint others.
With all these feelings of self-doubt tackling us in so many aspects of our life what can we do?
- Realize that no one is perfect: appreciate who you are and what you put into your work, relationships, etc. Only you know exactly the amount of effort that is put in and if that's not recognized, is it worth it?
- Ground yourself in reality: reclaim who you are as a person at the core. Remember who you are and what makes you, you. Feelings of insecurity come from not honoring who you are and how far you've come to get to where you are now.
- Write down your doubts: Physically write down what your doubts are. Evaluate each one and determine whether or not it serves you in your life and goals. If not, crumple it up and throw it away. If it does, further expand on it and figure out how you can worth with it and through it. Often a physical representation of your mental struggles makes it less abstract/confusing and more approachable.
- Access your confidence: Literally practice the power pose. Stand up tall, feet shoulder width apart. Put your hands on your hips and open up your chest. Lift your chin, smile, and take deep breaths. Seriously. Standing in a position that shows confidence can affect the testosterone and cortisol levels in your brain. Channel your inner confidence.
it's okay to not be okay.
Thanks for listening to my random thoughts. IF anything's bothering you, never feel afraid to just get it out and put it in words. I find jotting down and reading how i'm feeling really helps me process my internal state more effectively.
Take it easy ~
