We are a species marked by our flippant overuse of apologies. Have you ever thought about how many times a day you apologize? Not just to other people, but also to inanimate objects. Are you thinking about it? Good. Isn't it strange how we say sorry, when almost bumping into someone, instead of saying excuse me? Or how we say sorry about things we have no control over like the weather ("I'm sorry it was raining while you were in Seattle." Like hello it's always raining in Seattle and it's not like I can control the weather.") Let's face it, we're chronic apologizers.
Granted, there are moments where apologizing is appropriate, like when you oversleep and have to tell your friend you'll be late to lunch. Heartfelt apologies can help ameliorate disagreements, mend broken relationships, and encourage forgiveness.
But apologizing is only impactful when it's justified and makes sense. You may think you're being polite by constantly apologizing, but in reality, you're only bringing yourself. The apologies begin to lower your own self-esteem and people begin to lose their respect for you as you seem unassertive and ineffectual. The impact of your future apologies begins to decrease because you throw around apologies like it's no one's business. And at the end of the day, it just starts to get annoying. Although apologies can come from a good place, apologizing in certain situations can actually make the other person feel worse.
EXAMPLES: of when we say sorry but really shouldn't
1. You're in a super long line for this amazing new food that's talk of the town. Someone has the audacity to cut in front of everyone. You're mad because let's be honest, that's just rude. So you say, "Sorry, but there's a line here." Now HOLD ON A SEC. Are you really sorry? No. You're upset. This person just cut in front of everyone!! Now flip that sorry around and instead, say something along the lines of, "There's a long line of people that were here before you." Just get straight to the point, you don't need to be sorry. (Then again, don't be rude when you say it, be the bigger person!)
2. Imagine in you're at a team meeting at work. You coworker is making some great points up there with his presentation and presenting a lot of great ideas. But his proposal is missing something that would really send the message home, which you have conveniently been researching for the last week. You raise your hand to speak and say, "Sorry, would you mind if I added something?" HOLD IT RIGHT THERE. Step back. Why do you need to be sorry about presenting your ideas? Instead, try something like, "I'd like to speak to his points and add some additional information." See? Why should you have to apologize for wanting to contribute?
3. "Sorry is anyone sitting here?" -> "Is this seat taken?"
4. "Sorry for bothering you with all this." -> "Thank you for listening to me and helping out."
5. "Sorry, but I have a question." -> "I'd like to ask a question, please."
6. "Sorry, but I don't think I see it that way." -> "That viewpoint is really intriguing. I have a different take I'd love to share."
Stop Apologizing, Start Thanking
Or just start being more direct. You don't need to constantly put yourself down and put blame on yourself. Being direct will only serve to boost your confidence and you'll begin to gain the respect of those around you. You can still be polite and respectful when you're interacting with others, but the key to your own success and well-being is to take control of your authority and confidence. Stop apologizing for feelings and thoughts you have every right to express.
Be more self-aware of what you're doing when you apologize. Assess your situation before you blurt out "I'm sorry." Think about whether it's something you need to be "sorry" about because chances are, it's not. Sometimes you don't really realize how insecure your constant apologies can make you and it's time for a change.
Here are some examples of how you can turn your attitude around:
TLDR;
You don't always have to apologize for things you do. It's something that we just kind of naturally do nowadays and sometimes, yes, an apology is appropriate and necessary. But take a moment to think about what you're going to say before you say it. You'd be surprised (or shouldn't be surprised) if you started noticing a change in others' demeanor towards you and in how you may carry yourself. Be more self-aware, know what you should and shouldn't apologize for, understand it's okay to say no and be direct, and take control of your life.
Take it easy~
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