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TAKING IT EASY

The ramblings, whims, and tunes of a person trying to figure out the ins and outs of life while remembering to take it easy. 

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Hello again, long time no .. blog? My life has been pretty hectic lately and to be honest, I haven't felt inspired to write anything in a while. That is, until I recently felt a huge wave of uncertainty in myself. Insecurity is something I've fought against my entire life and if I'm realistic, it's going to be with me my entire life; the only thing I can do is prevent it from taking over my life. (Easier said than done though.)


So what is insecurity?

What is insecurity? Why are so many people affected by it? In a nutshell, it's the looming feeling of self-doubt and lack of confidence. No matter what is accomplished, an empty feeling replaces any feeling of accomplishment. It's that feeling that you don't deserve to be loved and that anyone you love will leave you in the end. Going out to social events is difficult because you don't feel like you belong or that new people won't want to get to know you because you have nothing to offer.


To some, insecurity is an occasional occurrence, but for some, insecurity is inescapable and follows them every step of the way. Many things can contribute to the development of such feelings for yourself, including childhood experiences, past trauma, rejection or failure, loneliness, perfectionism, anxiety, or some combination of these.

There are three main types of insecurity:


1. Insecurity from Rejection or Failure

The experiences and events in our everyday lives play a huge part in shaping who we are and how we perceive ourselves. Around 40% of our "happiness quotient" is based on these events in our lives, things we do to lift our moods and make us feel good. But negative contributors come along just as often as the positive ones, the biggest contributors often being a breakup, death of a loved on, being let go at work, and health problems. Your happiness plays an enormous part in your self-esteem and how you carry yourself; failure and rejection tear down the platform you build for yourself. This kind of insecurity can be a vicious cycle, due to the increased sensitivity to failure that can develop the more "bad luck" is faced. For example, if you lose your job, that can trigger you to develop negative beliefs about your abilities and self-worth, chiseling away at your self-esteem.


But there are ways to overcome this type of insecurity:

- Life does not come without setbacks, give yourself time to understand how and why it happened in order to move on and adapt to the changes

- Be willing to try a new strategy or game plan to achieve your goals, perseverance is key in moving forward

- Engage in things that lift your spirits, things you may have put on the back-burner for a while or have neglected over time. Reach out to friends and family for comfort.



2. Lack of Confidence due to Social Anxiety

Humans are inherently social creatures, some more social than others. Many of us can probably relate to the awkward college party where you clutched your drink close while you scanned the room, praying for a friendly face. Or maybe you're at a family reunion and all your relatives can do is gush about your successful Harvard graduate cousin who's making bank in business while you're still grinding it out at a minimum wage job. Our lack of confidence can be painfully apparent in situations such as these and more like interviews and dates. Due to

our social nature, we're constantly preoccupied with how other perceive us and the version of ourselves that we present to the world. Due to this, it's not uncommon to find ourselves crippled with anxiety and fear of such social situations. We just want to feel like we belong, that we're interesting and important enough for people to want to be around us. There are many factors that can lead to this lack of self confidence, such as bullying in school or pressure from parents to be popular and successful. This type of insecurity is a distortion of your self worth and how critically you believe others judge you. But in reality, most people are more preoccupied on how they're coming off to others than actively judging others. Those who do judge, on the other hand, could often be doing so just to cover up their own insecurities and their criticisms can be skewed to be more superficial than genuine and profound.


Ways to Prevent Social Insecurity:

- Have a talk with your inner critic: reevaluate your own criticisms of yourself and remind yourself of the good qualities that you have that make you a good friend or partner.

- Avoiding social situations can actually exacerbate the problem: even if you're nervous, putting off these experiences will prevent any progress. Start small, bring a friend, engage with others, and step out of your comfort zone. Set realistic goals like talking to one or two new people and learn about them.

- Divert your intense internal focus and project it outward, focus on others and what's around you. What can you notice about them and are there any skills or experiences you can learn from them?



3. Perfectionism Driven Insecurity

Some of us hold ourselves up to to high standards, always striving for the highest marks in class, the highest paying jobs, the perfect partner, the most beautiful home, or the perfect body. But no matter how hard we try or how much time we put into achieving our own high expectations, realistically, it can be impossible to achieve. There's always something more that we want, more than we could do, more that we can achieve. After a certain point, there's only so much we can control and beyond that, the outcome is out of our hands. Promotions might be difficult due to a critical boss, partners may be incompatible, and genetics can dictate that being stick skinny just isn't going to happen. If you hold yourself to unrealistically high goals, you could be setting yourself up for disappointment. (Not to say that setting and striving towards goals is a bad thing, just be more realistic). Setting out to achieve the "impossible" may lead to dissatisfaction and you may end up blaming yourself for lacking and being unworthy of accomplishment. Beating yourself up for failing and worrying about being inadequate can lead to depression, anxiety, chronic fatigue, and eating disorders.


Combating Perfectionism:

- It's about the journey you take and not necessarily the outcome. Even if you don't accomplish your goal, look back at what you did right and how you can build upon that. There are some things that are out of your control so don't criticize yourself for external factors.

- Perfectionism is often seen as an all or nothing phenomena, which can be too staunchly black and white. Try to think of the grey area; think of other ways to view the situation. Even if the result wasn't perfect, there are still accomplishments along the path towards that intended goal.

- Conditional self-esteem causes perfectionists to like themselves when they're on top and dislike themselves otherwise. Learn ways to love and appreciate yourself even when you're not doing well. Focus on yourself and the quality of your character and values instead of more superficial numbers like grades, salary, or social status.



Self Reflection

I've struggled with insecurity for as long as I can remember and it still controls my life to this day. I find myself constantly seeking the acceptance of others and craving the security of feeling like I'm needed and that I belong. It has dictated so many of my decisions and

actions in the past, present, and no doubt in the future as well. It's been such an uphill battle that has more often than not left me a torn up wreck of self-loathing and disappointment. I know I've listed a description of the main types of insecurities and how to deal with them, and although I have not been fully able to tackle my insecurities, I hope that this breakdown will be beneficial to myself and others who may read this post.


Who knows, I may never win this battle against insecurity. It may follow me to my grave, but I've accepted it as a part of who I am and will dedicate myself to learning to live with my insecurities and prevent it from keeping me from achieving my goals.


Take it easy ~

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Writer's picture: FionFion

Hello hello, long time no post!


I've been lacking motivation lately but felt like talking about setting goals and accomplishment. This comes from my recent attainment of a goal I had my eyes set on for a long time. It's still surreal to me but I'm immensely grateful that I have the opportunity to start a new chapter in my life.


Dance has been a huge part of my life these last five years. I've met so many people and have been given so many different opportunities that helped defined my college years. So many countless memories have been made. Dancing has not only allowed me an outlet to be active but also gave me a way to express my self through movement and relieve stress.


Being in the urban choreography (because hip hop is a controversial term for some people) scene, some of the teams people aspire for are GRV, The Company, Cookies, and more. These adult teams are the epitome of what our generation idolizes as the top tier in the community. I danced with a team called Ascension for three years in college and it really opened my eyes to a whole world of dance. I learned a lot about movement, intention, set building, performance, and growth during my time on that team and I wouldn't trade those years for anything in the world. Throughout my dance experience, my friends and I would always watch class videos, concept videos, and competition footage, spending hours dissecting the artistic process, appreciating the creativity, and fangirl/boying over the greats of the dance community. One of the teams that many of us in San Diego and beyond look up to is 220. They started as a small dance group at UCSD and have burgeoned into a household name. Being one of the top teams and placing in major competitions regularly, I admit I was a huge fan. There are so many talented and inspiring dancers on the team and I always had a glimmer of hope that one day I would try out and be able to join their ranks.


I merely toyed with the idea of trying out for the team but always doubted my dance ability and ability to perform at their caliber. When it came to dance, I always pushed myself and worked hard to be the best I could be. But as my time on Ascension came to an end, I really started to seriously consider the possibility of trying out and maybe even making the team. My motivations as a dancer were always to be better than I was the day before and see how far I could take my passion. Many of my teammates had no intention of dancing beyond their college years, seeing dance as a more social outlet where they could do what they liked with the people they loved. I loved my teammates and love to dance, but I always wanted to do more, be more. So after graduating in June, I buckled down and started training for 220's auditions at the end of August.


I trained hard, dancing everyday Monday through Thursday while simultaneously working a full time job. It was tough but I loved every moment of it. I love dancing, the way my body moves to the music and adapts to different styles. It genuinely brings me happiness and is an escape from my mundane day to day.


By the time auditions rolled around, I was nervous as hell and knew that this was my one chance to join my dream team. The process lasted two days and it was the most stressful two days of my life. The first day went better than I expected but on the second day, my nerves got the best of my and I choked when it came down to the wire. It completely destroyed me and I found the truth hard to swallow when I didn't get invited to the team. It seemed like what I worked so hard for was pulled out from under me in an instant. At this point, I came to terms with the reality and knew that dancing on my dream team was no longer a possibility.


A week or so after, I got an email from 220 asking if I would like to join their training program. I was confused but ecstatic as I read the email. It was a bright and shiny second chance at my goal and I took it in heartbeat. Over the course of two months I trained with the team, giving my all at each rehearsal to show the what I could. By the end of it all, I was one of three people who were chosen to join the team from the training program and I could not believe my ears when I got that call. I was shaking with excitement and couldn't believe what was happening.


Fast-forward to today and I'm thriving on my new team. I'm pushed to do my best at every rehearsal and am surrounded by people who love dance just as much as I do. It's still surreal that this all happened and am extremely appreciative of every moment I have with my new teammates. The feeling of accomplishing one of my biggest goals is truly amazing and I look forward to each night I get to dance with them. My journey with 220 had just begun and I can't wait to see where I go from here.


To be continued..... c:


Take it easy ~

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Writer's picture: FionFion

Now that we're finally in 2019 and most of us working adults are back to the 9-5, I find myself thinking back to the holidays and how quickly everything flew by. The holiday season has always held a special place in my life. Family is a huge part of my being and my foundation and this is the one time of year everyone is back and free to relax and be together. From Thanksgiving to Christmas to the New Year, for a good month or so, everything just feels right again.


So many changes happen year to year, but what stays consistent is the holidays and the warmth it brings me. No matter what kind of arguments or disagreements you have with your family, everything gets put on the back burner and you try to focus on the company of your loved ones. I found it especially hard to leave home this time around after New Years. I was laying in my bed at my parents house just thinking about how quickly time has flown by and how the days of dinners with friends, festivity with family, and adventures had come to an end in a blink of an eye. This holiday season was one of my favorite by far but before I even got a chance to appreciate it, it was over. With all this, I can only be grateful that I was able to share so many laughs and smiles with those I love.


As we come into the new year, we can always say things like "New year, new me!" But if you really think about it, time and years are a human construct and ultimately, it's just another day. Just because we put a label on it doesn't necessarily give it more weight than the other hundreds of days of the year. Even so, it gives us that yearly push to set resolutions for ourselves, big or small. But new year resolutions should not be seen as goals to drop once failed. You should not stop trying if it gets hard and just say, "I'll try again next year." Why waste time and wait for a new year to come back around? Don't limit yourself by using the New Year as a starting point. If things get hard, take a break, reevaluate, and get ready to pick it back up; you don't need to wait another year. With that, what I find helps is setting small or realistic goals, things that are feasibly attained. This can be something like getting up 10 minutes earlier every day to meditate before you start your day. Or cutting back on sugar by drinking tea instead of coffee everyday and switching out desserts for fruit at meals. But if you set yourself up for a difficult resolution, finding others to motivate you or work with you towards the destination can really help keep you on track. A common goal would be weight loss. It takes so much self control and restraint that most of us crumble within the first few weeks. In this case, it helps to have a friend keep you accountable by checking on your progress or even having a friend go through the journey with you. No matter what your goals are, never stop running towards them, even if you may slip or stumble on the way. A new year is as good as any to accomplish your goals but don't give up and postpone your aspirations.


Thanks for reading through my holiday ramblings! Happy 2019 everyone!


Take it easy~


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